girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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