I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
