I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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