the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
