Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was a blind-side dick pic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
