omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
