I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
