Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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