he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
did i walk over a car last night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
