you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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