And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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