I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
