There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
