Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
