Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
