I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
