The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So apparently I’m into choking now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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