Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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