why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb