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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out

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• (559): View more from California

  Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (903): View more from Texas

  I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  You fucker.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.

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• (589): View more from

  seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.

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• (805): View more from California

  her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb

  Fav 1 146 6

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