There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!