I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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