We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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