If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue