He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that