i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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