If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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