I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
