is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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