Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
