Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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