it was like his penis was on wheels.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize