You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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