where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT