I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.