you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
