How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order