Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

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(919): Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too http://tfl.nu/1k8w

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(661): View more from California

i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

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(661): i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally. http://tfl.nu/2rgg

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.

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(513): Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule. http://tfl.nu/z55h

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

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(401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z

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(478): View more from Georgia

tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

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(478): tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid http://tfl.nu/h4uf

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(971): View more from Oregon

I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.

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(971): I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger. http://tfl.nu/97wz

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(440): View more from Ohio

Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

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(440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

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(919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd

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(516): View more from New York

good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.

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(516): good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top. http://tfl.nu/vbez

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training

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(519): I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training http://tfl.nu/kvls

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(313): View more from Michigan

Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now

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(313): Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now http://tfl.nu/t7qb

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.

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(715): So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room. http://tfl.nu/stph

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.

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(763): Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/1p73

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

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(603): they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out http://tfl.nu/559d

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.

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(724): I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging. http://tfl.nu/fmu5

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