Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?