So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
