i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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