I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
