he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
