Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
