Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
