No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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