hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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