The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
