Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
