She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
