I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
