none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
