Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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