Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I AM VODKA MAN
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
