He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
