I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sarcasm needs its own font
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
