Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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