and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
People in love make me want to vomit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
