Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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