Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
