Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
