I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
