Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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