Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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