yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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