i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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