I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We are all done wearing pants today
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