She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize