When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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