so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
