She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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