It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
