Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize