i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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